Such a cruel world...

I’m going to try and keep my composure as I write this but it’s going to be hard for me and I am going to state that right off the bat.

I was recently on facebook when a “fan page” came to my attention. The name you ask? "Rihanna wants a rude boy...Didnt she get her ass whooped by one already?"

WHAT. THE. FUCK? Why is this funny? Why is this a group? I went to the page PRAYING there would be comments about the offensive nature of the page (there were few), but to my surprise, people think this is funny. Even WOMEN are making comments about how this is funny and she deserved it. Are you kidding me, world? How are women supposed to fight to end domestic violence when we have other women condoning it and making a joke out of it. Why, oh why, do people find others' pain to be humorous? Heaven forbid a woman have an abortion, but when women (you know, living, breathing HUMANS) are raped and beaten it’s funny, acceptable, and deserved? Please someone tell me I’m not the only one who thinks this is seriously fucked?

I fight for women every day of my waking life and I will continue to do that until I die, but sometimes this world makes me feel so jaded. I get angry with God for putting me in such a cruel world where society finds humor in other people’s pain, at other people’s expense. It’s appalling and sometimes I just think, “why was I put in a world like this?” I know that the answer to that question is that I was put here to try and make a difference and change the world, but in my weakest moment, it’s hard to remember that. I feel like I’m fighting an endless war. It gets hard to invest your WHOLE heart and life into a cause only to know that there will always be people out there like that. I feel like it’s me against the world some days. But like I’ve already stated, I will NEVER give up or stop fighting against domestic violence; I want change more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. I want these jokes to not be okay, I want abuse to not be okay, I don’t want to live in a world like this. It’s so utterly sad. When did everyone become so cold?

This is the first break down I’ve ever really had with my activism. I can handle a lot of messed up shit. I can understand the psychology of why women take back their abusers, I know the mental reasons men abuse women (control), but what I can’t handle is all the other people. The people who make all the pain victims suffer a joke. The people who think this is tolerable. It’s the coldness and bitterness I see from other humans. I mean, even the abusers in domestic violence cases go through a “honeymoon” phase when they feel regret for what they have done. The creators and fans of this facebook “fan page” doesn’t even feel that much. Sigh.

It makes my soul cry, but it only reminds me that my work/activism is never done. If anything, today I realized that I should be fighting a lot harder and to never let myself think I can settle back.